As if the end of the last unit: Grit had 4 drafts, with potentially 2-or-so more in this unit until we began production. In our unit feedback sheets there was some suggestions for changes to make:
- The characters still need more refining in terms of voice (Zoe sounds all wrong).
- There needs to be more reason for the meet-ups with Archie: seems convoluted. Give the audience more.
- Why does Sean so want to find Perry? Plant a seed that Perry "owes" something to Sean, like he's the key to something.
- It was overly long and doesn't justify the 35 pages: needs cutting down
A few changes have been made to the script based off of the feedback received:
1. Zoe's lines were re-written to make her sound less like the other characters and have more of her own presence.
Some are subtle changes such as removing slang...
 |
| Before (Scene 1) |
 |
| After (Scene 1) |
Some were more significant like how she approaches a situation...
 |
| Before (Scene 11) |
 |
After (Scene 11)
|
 |
| Before (Scene 8) |
 |
| After (Scene 8) |
One scene was given a slight piece of backstory about Zoe's childhood...
 |
| Before (Scene 4) |
 |
| After (Scene 4) |
2. The next change made was establishing why Sean and Zoe meet up with Archie in scene 11:
 |
| Before (Scene 8) |
 |
| After (Scene 8) |
 |
| Before (Scene 10) |
 |
| After (Scene 10) |
These minor additions allow the entire next scene (11) to be justified, with Archie now being established as a point of contact to help Sean and Zoe in finding Perry.
3. Sean's relationship with Perry was also established more:
 |
| Before (Scene 7) |
 |
| After (Scene 7) |
With extra lines added to cement this fact and show how concerned Sean is at such an early point.
 |
| After (Scene 7) |
I like the new changes such as Zoe having a stronger presence in the scenes she is in: taking a sensible and mature approach to situations and challenging Sean's extreme assumptions and Scene 11 has been better established. However a cost to this is that the script has ended up even longer at 39 pages which could prove an issue getting it to 30 minutes for film festivals. Potential cuts could be made if the situation arises although I will probably find it difficult to try and detach myself from them if a scene needs to be trimmed or even removed.
Overall though I think the script is still heading in the right direction and am excited to put it to film and see it come alive.
No comments:
Post a Comment