The feedback was adamant on two things: making the characters sound unique and individual and making the whole thing believable.
With this, and some writing research, in mind I wrote a third draft of the script:
I'm very happy with this draft: there's a noticeable difference in the way each character speaks, from Zoe's pauses and small talk to Archie's use of lesser-known words. I've also tried to make things more believable with Archie's uncle being a constable.
The character descriptions have been significantly beefed up and to a standard I'm satisfied with and the gun has been completely removed from the film. Replaced instead with a knife.
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